Sunday, January 8, 2012

Just Friends?

Along with all my posts regarding relationships, I want to bring up the topic of friendship between men and women. I have had this conversation over and over again with members of both sexes, and there doesn’t seem to be any consensus on the issue of whether men and women can simply be “just friends.” I personally have a lot of guys that I would consider just friends- probably more than I do girlfriends. It’s been very easy for me to have this type of relationship with men because I have always had a boyfriend so the friendship thing was always accepted as just that. However, now that I am single, the line seems to be quite blurred. Now, I can’t even begin to describe how many arguments I have had with people about the subject, and I am just now beginning to realize why.  I have always believed that men and women can have a completely plutonic relationship. Yet, I am starting to learn that this is only possible when both parties are in agreement that they are just friends and have no expectations of anything further than that. I have a ton of friendships with men, and it is just obvious with no explanation needed that we are just friends. Still, discrepancies do develop within a friendship where that unspoken understanding hasn’t been established. One person may think that the relationship is simply one of friendship while another may think that guys and girls can’t be just friends so they develop deeper feelings. This has happened to me a couple times within the last few months, where I think that we are just friends and my “friend” thinks it is more than that. I may be completely clueless here, but I really don’t want to have to define every relationship I have with a man. Why can’t we be just friends? So here is where I would love some feedback because I have no idea what to do when a friend crosses the line and you just don’t feel the same way. Is that a point of no return and the friendship is over? Or can you come back from that and be “just friends”? I would love to not have to “break up” with a friend because of a miscalculation. I am a blunt person without much of a filter so feelings aren’t always spared when it comes to me being honest with a person. So if it is possible, how do I let a guy down without ruining the friendship? Is there even a nice way to do it? Or is it not possible; is it the case that once the line has been crossed there’s no going back? I’ve lost one friendship over this issue and I would like to spare others like it in the future so any feedback at all is encouraged and welcome. If you have a similar experience and have made it out alive please share!  


  1. I stumbled on your blog site today and have enjoyed a lot of what you have to say. How did you get so smart at such a young age?
    I believe men and women can be just friends, but as you said, both have to agree. I'm more than double your age and I've always had male friends with various results. In most cases, the friendship would end when the male began a relationship with a woman who did not like or understand that he had a female friend. I grew tired of that.

    Many years ago, as a single mom, I found myself in a situation with a male friend who needed a place to stay for a while. Truthfully, I was attracted to him, but he was honest about wanting to be just friends. I accepted it. He moved in and it worked out wonderfully. We grew closer and over time, I came to see that he was not my type romantically. I could have refused the offer of "just friends" because I wanted more, but in the end I was so glad how it all worked out. We confided in each other, we sat up late watching movies together, had lots of laughs, and probably even helped each other out with other relationships that came along. I will always treasure that time we had together.

    On the flip side, I had a male friend that I wanted to only be friends with, and he wanted more. I had to gently, but bluntly tell the truth. He accepted it that way, and again, it worked out.

    I think the moral is that honesty usually really is the best policy. True friends appreciate that you respect them enough to be honest.

    If you let a guy down in a nice way and he gets upset, then he probably isn't mature enough to appreciate what he may be turning down - could be one of the best things to ever happen to him. Losing that kind of friendship might be for the best. Some people just "can't handle the truth".

    1. Thanks so much for the feedback and advice! I have been sticking to the 'honesty is the best policy' idea. Having wrote this post a few months ago, I've had a little more experience with men and friendships. I have to say men are about as simple as they like to seem, and most do appreciate just the up front honesty even when the truth does hurt- so I've been going with that for the most part! Anyways, thank you for your comments and personal experience! I really appreciate it and am so glad you enjoy my blog! I'll have to get back to writing again! Thanks again!