Monday, March 26, 2012
I spend a lot of time talking about relationships and social interactions. I do mostly because they’re interesting, and I get more feedback on those articles than I do anything else. However, I did promise that this blog would be about me and my life experiences. I have tried to keep that promise throughout my writing; however, I have probably failed in providing a well-rounded collection of topics. I have basically only talked about relationships and life lessons. I have only given about one, maybe two post references to my professional aspirations and goals.
It’s taken me awhile to get here. There is no doubt about it. In the past year, I have talked about pursuing a plethora of different occupational avenues. However, I couldn’t seem to just stick to one. There are so many things that I love to do and there are things that I just have a natural talent for, so picking just one has been a struggle of mine basically since I quit field hockey and messed with my whole “5 year plan.” Like I said before, I’m done making plans. I have no idea where I am going to be in a year, and honestly, I don’t see any point in wasting time on trying to predict what will happen in five. Right now, I’m simply focusing on me and making sure that I am the best possible version of myself that I can be. Life seems to be perfect right now. I couldn’t ask for anything better. I’ve let go of bad relationships, repaired the ones worth saving, and well I am definitely happy with the current version of myself. As perfect as things are, I am always looking to improve, mature and grow, as everyone should. I was born or raised, (depending on your opinion of nature versus nurture) with potential. Potential to be great, I think. I have a work ethic and level of intelligence that provide me with the potential to be great in anything I pursue. And right now, as much as I love coaching and working in an athletic environment, there just seems to be a lingering feeling that I am not fulfilling my potential.
Tonight, I am going back to school. I am starting the first day of the rest of my professional life. I am going to be taking night classes twice a week in order to help me prepare for law school. I will be taking a prep course for the LSAT in June. I’ve said before that I want to go to law school, but something has held me back from really being ready for that commitment. Time is funny, but I feel like I’m finally ready to get the ball rolling. As with most things in my life, I do things on my own terms. And this has been one of them. The timing might be off a bit, but I’m finally ready. I am actually really nervous and excited about tonight. I am going to take a diagnostic exam tonight to get a baseline on where I am now and where I need to go in order to get a good LSAT score. It’s the first step towards law school, and I am ready to take it.
Here is where I would like to fulfill my promise of discussing my whole life story- more than just my social one. I am going to make a tab, much like my “Gettin’ Skinny” tab, where I will talk about my LSAT courses and practice. I think accountability is one of the biggest tools one can have in achieving their goals. I can hold myself accountable sure. But there is something about being held accountable by others that really makes me work. It’s like working out with a partner- they make sure you wake up in the morning and get to the gym even on the days where you just want to sleep in. So in this tab, I will track my progress and practice schedule. If you would like to check in on how I am doing, you’ll find everything you need under the "LSAT Prep" tab which I will start after tonight's class. Wish me luck!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
So I was having a conversation with a friend recently about, what else, relationships and love. They’re easily my most favorite subjects, if you couldn’t tell. There is something about the bond between people that truly fascinates me so if you’re willing to go there in a conversation with me, you should probably pull up a seat and grab a beer because it’s going to be awhile. I could talk forever about people; about life, love and relationships. In this particular conversation, we somehow stumbled upon the topic of what my ideal relationship looks like.
My friend made a comment to me during the conversation that really surprised me. He said that in knowing the way I look at relationships and at life, that he couldn’t believe that I haven’t had any success in the relationship-department since JD; that, and I quote, “you seem like every guy's dream.” I was just really taken aback because 95% of the time I feel like I get put into the “friend zone,” mainly because I probably do think more like a typical man than a woman. As sweet as that comment was, it comes down to the simple fact that I don’t want to be anyone’s dream girl right now. Eventually I would love to be, and as simple as relationships are, it takes the right person to make the right relationship work. And I’m willing to wait for that person to come around rather than jumping into something with someone that I know isn’t right for me.
I think I have seen enough relationships that just go through the motions. I see those relationships all the time; the unfulfilled ones. The relationships that are built singlehandedly on comfort; out of fear that that relationship is the best they can do; out of fear of being alone. These relationships can often times be full of respect and support, but the passion and the love just doesn’t quite find its place. People go through the infatuation stage, get comfortable and decide to settle down. Once they settle down, they get married and have kids and “live life” (if that’s what you want to call it). And as deep as this sounds we just started talking about how we wanted more than that. All of those things sound great don’t get me wrong, and I want those things. But I want more.
I want someone who will be a free spirit with me; someone playful that recognizes that I’m not some delicate little girl and that will rough-house with me and joke around. I want someone that will go on an adventure with me. And I don’t mean a safari or something like that. I mean someone that can bring me to life- in every passionate, loving, playful way possible.
It’s corny, but I really believe that every life is meant to be a great love story. Whether it’s with yourself, with your job, with God or a hobby. As long as you love something with everything you are, than you have that great love story. I know that my greatest love will be another person. I know that I have the ability to love another person in a way that is incomprehensible to most. If I do nothing else in life, I will make that other person feel what it is to be completely and unconditionally loved. And this person will have the ability to reciprocate that feeling. It may sound completely corny and cliché, but that is how my life will be. And because I will have that fulfillment, I will be successful in everything else. And that’s why I haven’t had any successful relationships as of late. I’m not ready for that yet. But when I am and that person comes along… it will be something great. The great thing about a great love between two people is that it is bigger than anything.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Men. Oh Men. If women can ever get over the obvious offenses that men make against them, they might find that these members of the opposite sex are actually quite funny. And by funny I mean in a very pathetic sort of way; as in I’ll-give-you-a pity-laugh-now-and-later-rip-on-you-to-all-my-friends-kind-of-funny. (Disclaimer: this does not include all men. Some actually can muster up a real laugh from me!)
It’s 2012. I think that it is safe to say that the “pick-up” line has been a universal joke for quite some time now. Or so I would like to think… Recently, I have fallen victim to a pick-up line or two, and I think that it is time that we put these to rest. Honestly, I can’t imagine that these work on anyone. Now I’m not talking about the really dumb ones like “Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?” I’m going to give you my top three favorite pick-up lines and hopefully in seeing the obvious hilarity, you men can knock it off and try something a little… smarter.
First we have the “betting man.” This one might seem somewhat clever except that it is almost insulting to my intelligence- it’s the approach from a man that wants you to “settle a bet” between him and his friend. I’m sorry but no. You’ve been standing at the bar by yourself for the past 20 minutes, and you didn’t come with a friend. Let’s not kid ourselves here. I totally get that sometimes guys do make bets with their friends and that they need someone to settle them, but that’s a one and done question. These guys that stick around and want explanations and force a conversation to drag on and on in a desperate attempt to keep your attention long enough to feel a sense of self-worth… are just sad. So when it comes time for them to ask me if they can buy me a beer, the answer will most likely be no… unless I feel sorry enough for them, in which case I will accept and find an excuse to walk away. Sorry I’m not sorry.
This one is actually my favorite, and I do get this all the time- we'll call him “Mr. Fix-It”! This may only apply to me personally though, but it is hilarious every time. See I have this thing that I do with beer bottles when I drink them. If you’ve spent any time with me at a bar you will have noticed that I peel the labels off of all the bottles. I honestly have no idea why I do it, but it is an automatic impulse I have when the bottle is in my hand- I think it is a good pacer. Anyways, apparently peeling off the labels is some sort of sign of anxiety or sexual deprivation… So at least once every few weekends, I get some jerk asking me if he can help “loosen me up” or “take care of that problem.” BAHAHAHA! I am about as laid back as they come, and if you have to ask, than the answer is no! Seriously though, does that actually work on people? Because I cannot imagine why anyone would think that line is going to get them anything besides a smack in the face or some clever remark from me about their small penis size. But hey, at least you've gotten me to laugh at my own joke!
Lastly, we have the “sweet-talker.” His first words will be something incredibly nice, and you might even think this guy is a winner. This guy wants to come off as your prince charming that is going to sweep you off your feet. He compliments you over and over again. Which can be nice every once in a while. However, this guy could give a flying pig about you at all. If you pay attention between the “you’re the most beautiful woman in the room” lines and realize the guy has just been talking himself up the whole time, you’ll see the red flags a-flyin’! He’ll tell you about his really great job and his expensive car and blah blah blah. Guess what, you lost my attention about 20 minutes ago, and I still don’t know your name- so the answer is no.
I really just want to know why men feel like they need to come up with all these outrageous strategies to get the girl. What happened to “Hey, I’m so-and so, let me buy you a drink?” Easy enough, no? Seems confident to me and at least names will be exchanged for heaven’s sake. We aren’t stupid and even with all the alcohol in the world, I would never fall for those lame lines. So grow a pair and realize you can just talk to a woman like she’s just another one of your friends. So if you are an offender of any of these strategies or ones like it, try something else please?!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I know I haven’t been able to blog much lately; I have been pretty busy with lacrosse season, and my new workout schedule has replaced most of my blogging time so I apologize to my avid followers- if there are any! Anyways, over the past month I have had quite a few conversations with my family and some of my friends regarding emotions, empathy, and understanding. I want to talk about where I stand when it comes to these matters because I tend to look at things differently than most people so it often leads to misunderstandings. (You can absolutely argue with me on these points; I am not saying that I am right- I am simply explaining where I am coming from). I generally believe that negative emotions are irrational. I’m going to give a few scenarios to describe what I’m talking about.
First of all, it really bothers me when men call women emotional, and they say it like it is a bad thing. Everyone is emotional; we just display those emotions in different ways. For instance, I am not a crier. I simply don’t cry, and honestly it makes me slightly uncomfortable when other people cry. The last time I cried was back in November after a horrible fight with JD, marking the finality of our relationship. I can’t remember the time before that. I just don’t cry. My defense mechanism is to laugh instead. So when I tend to laugh during situations where other people would normally be crying, my ability to feel is called into question. My own mother asked me awhile back, in all seriousness, if I even had any feelings at all. I am not a sociopath, and of course I can feel. In fact, I probably feel emotions more intensely than most people. It’s not that I don’t feel sadness or pain, I just don’t show it in the ways that other people do. Instead, I feel more comfortable making light of a situation and try to change the negative mood. It might not always seem appropriate, but that’s the way I deal with things; the same as most people cry to deal with the same feelings.
Empathy is another quality of mine that has been questioned lately. I absolutely have the ability to put myself in another person’s shoes and feel what they are feeling. But again, I don’t display my emotions quite like most people. … A little background: a friend of mine gave me this scenario just last night: he asked me if I could put myself into the shoes of a person who had worked their entire life and felt the feeling of desperation after no longer able to afford to retire…. Yes, I can imagine that person’s disappointment and frustration and even exhaustion in such that situation. I can understand those things because I have felt them, although not in the same context of course, but I can imagine. What I was trying to explain to my friend is that it is a waste of time to feel that way because everything can be broken down into rational responses.
See I believe that people make decisions based on what they believe in that particular moment will make them happy. To me, happiness is a state in which people choose to be in or not. I use the phrase, “in the pursuit of happiness” all the time, but I don’t really think that happiness is something that you have to strive to be. Happiness is not an end goal; it is a state of mind. So there are two options you are faced with when you begin to feel a negative emotion: you either accept the way things are or you change the situation you are in. While I understand the person who is unable to retire; I would not react the same way in the same situation. Instead, if I were truly unhappy about the circumstances, I would rationalize the situation and react accordingly. Maybe that sounds irrational, but I am a firm believer in taking a step back and working through things in your head and redirecting the thought process. That is what cognitive behavioral therapy is based on is it not?
Another situation I was in recently involved my BFF Kitty. (Hopefully she won’t mind me telling this story). But she recently got upset with me over a few things, and she bottled them up for so long that one afternoon she sort of just blew up at me. I was pretty surprised by this because I was unaware that there was even a problem. But the problem ended up being that we just don’t react the same way to certain situations. Things that don’t seem like a big deal to me, really upset her. But we had the discussion about how we would handle things like that. See when she does something that bothers me, I choose to forget about it and move on. I don’t bottle them up because I will never pick a fight with Kitty. I think that it is a waste of time to fight with her because she is my best friend, and I would rather stay friends than create drama over what I can rationalize as nothing in the big scheme of things. To me, I look at it as why threaten the relationship over something that won’t mean a thing in a week? Kitty, on the other hand, can’t just move on from a bothersome situation. So we have the understanding that if I do something that makes her upset, she will call me on it right then and there, and we can move on. And I understand that she needs to do that in order to deal with things so I can’t get upset at her for calling me out. Our relationship seems to work because of our basic understanding of how the other person works.
The problem tends to occur for me, is when people think I am insensitive. It’s not that I am insensitive; it’s simply that I just process things in a different way. I make the choice to feel a certain way by readjusting the way I look at a situation. I make the choice every day to be as happy as I can on that given day. If that makes me seem insensitive or lacking emotion and/or empathy, than hopefully this post will allow you all to readjust the way you look at my reactions or lack thereof.