Wednesday, February 15, 2012


We’ve all lied about our age.. When we are young, we lie to seem older. When we are old, we lie to seem younger. But what about all of the lies that we tell ourselves in regards to our age? There are moments in everyone’s life; moments that come about once a decade, where you just have to be honest with yourself about your age. Because there are too many moments in my life where I look around and say, “You are straight-up delusional!” See, there are three types of people that just love to lie about their age. Now obviously these people know how old they are. However, clearly when they look in the mirror they are able to tell themselves they look age-appropriate. We have the 15 year old that thinks she’s going on 25, the 30 year old that still hangs out with 20 year olds, and the 50 year old that insists on dressing like they are 25.

I have a really hard time with kids these days. Now I know that when I was 15, I thought I was all cool, and I dressed and acted the part. Lord knows with all the make-up and push up bras I never actually looked older than 15 though. But these days, it is just starting to get a little ridiculous; there are 15 year olds that actually look like they are 25! I don’t know if it is because spray tanning and hair extensions are so popular with today’s youth, but if they didn’t have their arm around a boy with acne and shaggy hair, I’d believe they were older than me. And the sad thing is- they actually act older than me too. Well it’s really more funny than anything. The way they carry themselves and talk down to other people, they seem to think they own the place. You’re almost fooling everyone-that is until your mom to pulls up in her mini-van to pick you up.

Then we have the person that is desperately trying to hold onto their youth. Now I am friends with a lot of people that are older than me, so it might be a double standard to say that older people can’t hang out with younger people. That’s not what I’m saying at all, or I wouldn’t have any friends. But I’ll give an example; last weekend I was at a college party- a party that I felt too old to be at, honestly. And at the beer pong table (yes, beer pong table if that gives you any indication of the age of the party-goers) there was a 29 year old woman playing with a 19 year old boy-man. It was extremely obvious that she was by far the oldest person in the room, and well it was just awkward to say the least. Worst of all, she left with him. Now a ten year age difference might not be that big of a deal, but when the other person is barely legal I think it is. The point where this woman walked into the party and realized that the kids in the room weren’t old enough to drink, she needed to leave, and preferably without the man-child.
Last, we have the people going through the mid-life crisis and think its “hot” to wear tube tops and hot-pants. There is a “self-conscious” part of our brain for a reason. It’s so that you can look in the mirror, see the fat roll over your jeans, and say this shirt is too tight. The only 50 year old women that are allowed to dress my age are the ones with better bodies than me- than hey, good for you! And older dudes: stop dressing in Ed Hardy. That became a universal joke when the dad from John and Kate Plus 8 got reamed for it like five years ago. So stop dying your hair platinum blonde and dressing like a fool. No one is buying it. I’m sorry people, but no boob-job, tummy-tuck, or face-lift is going to hide the fact that when you walk into a college bar, you’re just too damn old to be there!  I would bet that most of you would be really good looking if you would dress and act your age. I know a lot of 50 year olds that are super-hot without looking like an ol’ lady from some motorcycle gang or a guido off of Jersey Shore.
Age is a scary thing. I get that. But could everyone start acting their age? (And no I will not take this perfectly good opportunity to call out the men of the world that insist on acting like a five year-old).

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